Psalm 25 - My Heart's Prayer

Psalm 25

   Unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.

² O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me.
³ Yea, let none that wait on thee be ashamed: let them be ashamed which transgress without cause.
⁴ Shew me thy ways, O Lord; teach me thy paths.
⁵ Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.
⁶ Remember, O Lord, thy tender mercies and thy lovingkindnesses; for they have been ever of old.
⁷ Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions: according to thy mercy remember thou me for thy goodness' sake, O Lord.
⁸ Good and upright is the Lord: therefore will he teach sinners in the way.
⁹ The meek will he guide in judgment: and the meek will he teach his way.
¹⁰ All the paths of the Lord are mercy and truth unto such as keep his covenant and his testimonies.
¹¹ For thy name's sake, O Lord, pardon mine iniquity; for it is great.
¹² What man is he that feareth the Lord? him shall he teach in the way that he shall choose.
¹³ His soul shall dwell at ease; and his seed shall inherit the earth.
¹⁴ The secret of the Lord is with them that fear him; and he will shew them his covenant.
¹⁵ Mine eyes are ever toward the Lord; for he shall pluck my feet out of the net.
¹⁶ Turn thee unto me, and have mercy upon me; for I am desolate and afflicted.
¹⁷ The troubles of my heart are enlarged: O bring thou me out of my distresses.
¹⁸ Look upon mine affliction and my pain; and forgive all my sins.
¹⁹ Consider mine enemies; for they are many; and they hate me with cruel hatred.
²⁰ O keep my soul, and deliver me: let me not be ashamed; for I put my trust in thee.
²¹ Let integrity and uprightness preserve me; for I wait on thee.
²² Redeem Israel, O God, out of all his troubles.

My heart's prayer, as I call it today, is an all too accurate description. I am all too frail, all too human, all too flesh-consumed. I fail, I fall short, and I am often overwhelmed in my circumstances and underwhelmed in the glory of the most high God.  All too often.

Yesterday, even,  as I prayed, I confessed that it is difficult for me to talk to someone that I cannot see. It's difficult to talk to someone who is incomprehensible to me. Of course I know His majesty, I know His grace, and His mercy & lovingkindness. I have been the undeserving recipient of such, and I still am. To "put a face with a name," though, it is hard. Then to pour out my troubles to someone whom I cannot even touch, cannot even see with my mortal eyes that I have become all too dependent upon? It is a leap of faith for sure.

However, the Lord is my shepherd.

It was as if He laid His hands on my shoulders  and said to me:

"My child, I know. I know your faults, your shortcomings, your failures, and your sins. I know the temptations that you face. I know your sorrows and your hurts; your misgivings and your guilt. I know. See, child, if you were perfect, you would have no need of me. All of your imperfections only serve to lead you closer to me, to show you your need of me, and in that my Father receives glory in that I can work through you. Even in your imperfections. I who spoke everything into existence can surly use your stumbling to lead you to higher ground, and my grace will sustain you, if you only yield your heart to me."

My Lord, my King, my Captain, my High Priest, my Joy, my Peace, and my Strong Tower. Worthy of ALL glory and praise. The One who bled and died on Calvary's cross, a fate that I was owed He took upon Himself for me. Simple, ugly, sin-prone me. My King died for me, and I can't even talk to Him? My excuse is pale and empty, because I talk to people on Facebook all day long that I can't see or hear, and to be honest, may not even exist for all I know. Yet, talking with my Lord is so hard for me?

The Lord sure knows how to bring me to my knees, and to tears. Conviction from the Comforter, how I love that conviction, even when it bites at my flesh. It almost seems like an oxymoron, to love something that hurts so much. That hurts my pride, my self-image, my self-confidence, but the root of all that it hurts is "self" and a self that I seek to be dead to at that. Yet, I love it all the more because it is the means by which I am drawn closer to Him.

"This psalm confesses our utter dependence on God for everything - forgiveness, deliverance, and guidance along the way. This psalm has much to say about 'the way.' This way is the covenant [of Christ]. It is a relationship with God that is not rebellious but directed by a love and fear of God. We may not be perfect but our heart's desire is to follow God. This is the life of faith." ~Kevin Swanson

I may not be perfect. In fact, scratch that I KNOW I am not perfect. In this world I never will be. Not in a million years on this earth.  However, I know the One who is! And He knows me.

And, while He does not need me, I need Him in a holy, desperate way.

Every.

Single.

Moment.

All of life seeks to show me that, that I am nothing in myself, and I am not even my own, but have been bought with a price. That price was the blood of Christ.

Yes, I am unworthy. I will always be unworthy if I look at myself. My own hands, my own thoughts, my own works, all meaningless, empty, and filthy to redeem my debt.

But God.

How many times in Scripture do those two simple words fill us with such a blessed hope?

But God.

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."
~1 Cor 10:13

"But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
~Romans 5:8

"But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;"
~1 Cor 1:27

"My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever."
~Psalm 73:26

"But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible."
~Matthew 19:26

I fail, but God never will.  Not only that, but:

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

Thank You, Lord. Thank you for leading me, even when it hurts my self.