You know, the place full of manly goodies and tokens, no frills or lace doilies here!
We, as our husband's helpmeets, absolutely MUST grasp and respect the fact that the mancave, for those men who do desire or utilize one, is a safe zone. A manly zone in a household that is usually predominantly designed by the woman. A place where men can go and just be men, even if it is just for a few minutes. For some men, their mancave is as important and appreciated to them as going to the bathroom alone or taking a nice hot bath is to us SAHMs! This space can be a game room, a theater, or even a workshop. Any place that our men claim as their safe zone.
Over the years I have talked with many women who have come to their wits end in arguing with their husbands over the mancave. In essence, I have experienced two types of arguments. One over whether there should BE a mancave or not, and another over an attempted favor gone wrong. I'd like to offer some advice on both of those fronts.
Should there be a mancave?
On this topic, I would ask, what if your husband said no craft room or no library (to name a few common hobbies of ladies, by no means exhaustive)? What if he told you that he didn't like the look or smell of books on the shelves in the livingroom or office?
But books serve a practical purpose, it's different! Exactly! In OUR eyes, our enjoyment or hobbies ARE important to us! Exercise the empathy that God has graced us with and try to view things from his point of view. When we have the primary control over the main house decor and organization, welcoming one room for your husband's design and enjoyment is really not too much to ask, and it is definitely not worth the heartache that arguments can bring. Not much makes a man feel like less of a man than when he is told "No!" by his own wife under his own roof (that he works and pays for no less!).
As our husband's wives, partners, and helpmeets, we need to be his soft place, and he needs to be able to look to us for edification and encouragement. We need to take it upon ourselves to make our men feel like they are our heroes, and that they can do anything.
In all things, Scripture prevails:
"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord."
~Ephesians 5:22
In all things, we are called unto submission to our husbands. Honestly, Scripturally, if he says mancave stays, we are permitted to respectfully bring up our case as to why it would be better gone. However, if at the end of our presentation, if he still says it stays, then it should stay and be left alone.
Now, here is where true submission often gets into a cat-fight with deceitful submission. What submission is NOT suppose to look like is a huffy attitude, silent treatment, or withholding care or certain niceties because he wouldn't see things your way. True submission is separation from pride and haughtiness in favor of gentleness, love, and peace. We must always strive NOT to be the constant dripping or rottenness in our husband's bones, and we must be ever attentive because the enemy is a liar, and very tricky. Do not under any circumstances let bitterness take root!
Now, onto topic number two....
I went in to clean my husband's mancave because I wanted to serve him and do something nice to him, but then he came home and got mad at me for it!
Dear sister, I'm so sorry. It can be so hard sometimes, when we go in with a heart of service and love, only to be rejected and cut down, but please, please don't let it make you bitter. A man's own worst critic is himself most times, just as it is with us, and he is very likely not only aware that he acted in an unloving manner, but also likely repentant in his heart that he lost his cool and just doesn't know how to say it. When we are hurt, we have a tendency to close ourselves off from the people that we love the most, especially if they are the ones who hurt us, but fight that urge and go love him. Forgive him, because bitterness has no place in a marriage. Even when you feel like you can't love him right now, go anyway, and love him like Jesus loves him.
Now, if you will permit me, let me offer a small bit of advise on cleaning mancaves. :-)
We have to back up, all the way back, and take a look at the goals of cleaning. From my understanding, men and women have two very different views of cleaning. Any woman who has had her husband help her clean may understand what I mean. They just aren't on the same plane as we are. Not to say that they aren't as good, because they ARE good at cleaning and organizing, but it is from a different perspective. For a majority of women, cleaning and organization go hand in hand. No job left half done, a place for everything and everything in it's place, the whole kit and kaboodle. However, in contrast, men are more practicality oriented in their organization. What may look like a mess of tools laid out on a countertop may be a very precise and ordered set of open-end wrenches to a man, tilted specifically and strategically in accordance with the angle that it is usually grabbed from and how it is used.
May I offer that, perhaps, when we clean our husband's mancave, that we should clean it in a very different way than we clean the rest of our home?
Since we do not really know, without constantly asking them, why things are placed where they are, then we should leave them be. Pick up an item, clean under it, dust the item off, then put it back down in the same location that you picked it up from; Even at the same angle. Vacuum and dust, but don't rearrange furniture, even if the arrangement makes absolutely no sense! It makes sense and is comfortable to HIM, and that should be our number one goal in being a helpmeet.
So, in all things, we seek first to respect and honor our husbands even when voicing suggestions or opinions. It is definitely not always the easy road, but it is the best road for maintaining a great marriage and a peaceful home. Talk to your mancave-owning husband and ask him specifically what he would like you to do when his domain needs a bit of cleaning, or even what he does not want done. That will help clear up any grey areas.
:-)
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