As most of my dearest friends know, my family has been travelling a road of faith and trials over the past two months. My husband got laid off from his job as a commercial electrician in GA. We went to Texas on faith, having felt in our hearts that God had called us out there and also noting the ample job opportunities out west. Texas didn't work out, so we came up to Tulsa, OK to take the next step. We have been hit hard in Tulsa. Our truck, our only transportation for our family of seven, was stolen from a Walmart parking lot at dusk within ten minutes of having left it. All of our clothing, electronics, and other irreplaceable items (such as special stuffed animals, my mother's Bible, a 1611 King James Bible that I had gifted to my husband, and our computer filled with all of our pictures) were in the truck and are now gone. I am sure that almost anyone can at least imagine how it would feel to be in this situation. Stuck 780 miles away from anything that we had ever called familiar feeling like a burden living in someone else's house.
I also had a falling out with my adoptive dad. I grew up around drugs, alcohol, and other sorts, and it has continued into my adulthood through him. He was arrested last year for growing and selling marijuana, and I thought it would change him, but it didn't/hasn't. He has done nothing but hurt me and my children through his choice of actions and words and I will not allow that to happen anymore to my children, and my husband is putting his protective arms around me by supporting the decision to simply back off and concentrate on the household that God has given us; without distractions that can be avoided. I am aware that some will call me "bitter" or an "unforgiving Christian" or even a disgrace to the name Christian, but I am also aware that no one ever knows anyone's story until they have walked a mile in their shoes, and I owe no explanation to anyone other than God Himself and my husband. Until things change, our family is better off without him, and I will leave it at that.
I have discovered that certain people will always talk bad about you to other people, no matter how nice they act to your face. I have also learned that circumstances cloud many minds, for it is a hike indeed to learn to live above the circumstances, where God works best, and I have learned to forgive and continue above reproach without holding a grudge. There is freedom in forgiveness. Of course, I will never see certain people the same, but I can empathize and move on.
God has used this opportunity to teach my husband and I many valuable lessons about life:
I have come to realize that:
*Book knowledge is great, but if it is not backed up by an even greater knowledge (age appropriate) of God's Word, catechisms, life skills, and hospitality, it is worthless, or vanity as Ecclesiastes would say. ~Therefore, I have rearranged my "Tentative Schooling Schedule" to focus more on the things of God rather than where my children 'ought' to be according to the world's standards. My daily schedule consists of spelling/grammar/language arts, catechism memory and writing practice, a weekly age appropriate memory verse, and a daily subject. The daily subjects are as follows: Monday is Arithmetic, Tuesday is History, Wednesday is Arts, Thursday is Science, and Fridays are Life Skills days.
*I need to loosen up. I am always so worried about what other people think that I am squelching my children's childhood. A three, four, or five year old will not have perfect manners and will ask odd questions at the most inconvenient time (like in front of company), but they will not be any worse off for it. They have at least five more years to learn better manners and appropriateness, so let them be children!
*I do not need to feel bad because I choose a more structured approach to homeschooling. Charlotte Mason is great, and she has awesome advice and great plans for younger children, but I need structure, and structure works great for my children, especially the older ones. That's the important part.
*How quickly children pick up habits, good and bad, from peers, and it has made me even MORE thankful that we made the choice to homeschool.
*Not everyone is going to agree with my convictions, but I shouldn't let it make me feel bad.
*There is a BIG difference between laziness and business. Of course we can always use the "busy" excuse, because we are always busy, but busy at what is the question. If I let dishes or laundry pile up (like I was so prone to do) because I would rather spend my free time (what little bit I got) playing around on Facebook or reading or sleeping, that is not God honoring. I am not using the gifted time wisely, and it is also not honrable to my husband. I have resolved to do better, for God and my husband. 1 Corinthians 10:21.
*What submission is all about. It's not about being a doormat, but it is about enabling my husband to take the lead.
My husband has told me that God has basically helped him get his priorities straight. When our truck was stolen, all of his prized possessions were in it: His 47" TV that was purchased with our last tax returns, our computer, his new HALO: Reach edition Xbox 360 and all of his games, and his tools (which was indeed a tragedy) among other things. For the previous year, he had felt God telling him to sell his TV and game systems, but he didn't want to let go of them, so God took them away anyways. He has learned what it is really about. Games take away too much time that could be better spent. Games also cause children to feel bad about themselves when they have to be told to move because they are standing in the way of a game. It makes them appear less important than what is on the television. Games are addicting, and they are not edifying, therefore, should not be prized. Especially to the point where one is so attached that he does not want to let go. God has really used this experience to help Danny refocus on what's important in life and what could be done without.
Marla, a dear friend on mine, has humbled me with her obedience to God and her love and charity. She has led a campaign seeking help for us and our situation, because in six days time, the people we are staying with are losing their home to forclosure and moving, leaving us then without a home or transportation. God's people have amazed me, humbled me, and brought me to my knees in tears with their words of encouragement, prayers on our behalf, and with their generous donations of toys for our children and money to help us find a home. I could never say enough words to do my heart justice as far as how grateful and thankful I am for everyone that has helped in any way.
We have been praying over a certain decision for some time now, and yesterday a miracle happened. Marla got a message from a lady friend of hers who wanted to bless us by offering us a rental home, free of charge for the first six months. The only curveball was that the house was in Georgia. Get this, not even 8 miles from the church home that we left behind. An answered prayer in the way LEAST expected! We were planning on making a two bedroom, one bathroom, 800 square foot home on a tenth of an acre work, and we are gifted the opportunity to a three bedroom, two bathroom, 2000 square foot mobile home on over an acre of land! I call this a miracle, a great blessing, and a guidepost as to what we need to do now.
Who knew? Who knew that God would call us out to bring us back? I have no doubt that God DID call us out here, but I didn't know what for. Now I do, now it is clear. I once was blind, but now I see. It was for purification purposes. It was the fining pot. This experience has not only brought us closer to God, but has fine tuned and weeded out any undesirables in our life so that we can truly and wholly live for Him.
We have decided to go back.
While we may have lost a lot of things, that just what they were, things. We have walked away from this experience and journey with much much more that I could have ever dreamed of.
We are picking up our things, all of which is second hand stuff, donated by the generous and loving hands of people that I am glad to call friends, and finding a way back home. By God's grace and for His glory alone. We came out here expecting a better life, and we are leaving having found it. Not in the way that we expected, that is for sure, but in a way far better than we could have ever planned.
I am aware that this decision will be met with scrutiny and even condemnation, but it is the way that has been prepared before us, and while support is nice, I do not need it to be able to stick to what God has laid before me. God is my judge. That is what my husband's name means. It is true as well.
I thank God for all of my friends who have faithfully stood by us through this time. You are irreplaceable in my heart.
I thank God for grace, for without it I would be lost.
All for His glory, Amen.
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