When It All Comes Back to Bite You... PART 1

You know that sudden moment that hits you like a runaway freight car? That screeching moment when you finally start realizing that you are doing more damage than good, and you need to change, and quick?

Well, that moment happened to me about a year ago. Okay, maybe two years ago now.... time flies.

I had been winging this whole parenting thing. Having neither parents to model myself after, nor a good steady source of encouragement to apply myself to, I really had no clue what I was doing. Sure, I knew what the Bible said, I just didn't know how to apply it in a "real life" perspective, and the concept of grace was still a bit foreign to me too.

I knew many ladies who were wonderful mothers. They seemed to have it all together, they had the right balance of love, liberty, and discipline, and their kids seemed to be growing into very well mannered adults. I also wrongfully envied these ladies because they had it all together. Experience had taught them much, much more than I knew. I desired to put myself under the tutelage of these women, but I just wasn't quite sure how to approach it, and no one would ever come to me and say, "Hey, you know, maybe you should try doing this instead of what you are doing...."

I was beyond my wit's end, many times, just trying to figure things out. My husband is the puzzle solver, not me. I always hated puzzles growing up, they were so confusing and time consuming, although I did love a good mystery novel..... but I digress.... back to the freight train....

It hit me one day, head on. Here I was (thanks to the world wide web and modern technology) surrounded by women, all sorts of women! Those with good qualities, those with not-so-good qualities, and those with a healthy mix of godliness and grace to go along with it all. Oh, how many hours had I spent praying that God would send me someone, someone to take me under their wing and be tough on me, and tell me how to do it right! A prayer that, to this day, remains unanswered in the way that I was originally looking for it to be answered. But so goes the things of our mighty and glorious God.

I realized, as I took the brunt of this freight car impact in the very core of my being, that putting myself under someone did not have to be done to their knowledge. I had a lot to glean from those whom God had seen fit to surround me with, and even if I longed for a "real life" friendship and fellowship with like-minded ladies, well, that just wasn't going to happen in this season of my life just yet.

I had to change, and do it myself, by the strength and the grace of my Lord and risen Savior.

But where to begin??

Like the aftermath of a hurricane, the damage seemed already too widespread and too much.... how could I ever fix the mess that I had worked so hard at making??? Much more than that.... how could I change just like that? God wasn't calling me to a gradual change, He was calling me to cold turkey. Lord help me!

I uncrumpled myself from the floor, wiped my face, and stood to survey my surroundings. The beautiful little people around me, the eyes that loved me no matter the mistakes I had made, or the ones I am sure to make in the future. The home entrusted to me by God and my husband that lay in shambles.... I took a deep breath and said to myself.....

"Here goes nothing.....or possibly... everything...."

~To be continued ~

Too Busy to Weep

"Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?"

Psalm 56:8

Tears.

How precious they must be to God.

This same omnipotent God who washes our sins away and remembers them no more in Christ, remembers always our tears. More than that, He keeps them in a bottle. This same God who sees His redeemed as if they had never sinned, keeps our tears as precious to Him. 

How precious, and how powerful must our tears be.

Selfless tears.

Sacrificial tears.

Tears of grief,

Of love,

And of sorrow.

Those late night/early morning tears that all mothers know by experience, where we just don't know if we can go on anymore. When we just don't know how much more we can give, how much more we can keep on giving. How much could possibly be left to give? Does it really even matter, anyway?

Society tells us to grow up, shake it off, and get over it. Weeping is seen as a weakness, a detrimental and childish character flaw that needs to be gotten rid of, but what does the Word of God say about weeping?

"He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him." Psalm 126:6

Weeping is not only precious to God, seeing as how He keeps them in His bottle, but it is beneficial to the Kingdom of God. 

Perhaps those precious seeds that are sown are watered by the weeping of the saints and prayer, leading to the joyous harvest?

Even Jesus wept, openly and unashamedly wept, both in times of gladness and in times of sorrow.

Are we so above the flesh that we should not weep, even as our Lord and Savior did during His incarnation on this earth? Is weeping so shameful that we should hide it, keep it behind closed doors? What danger does this mentality pose for us as Christians?

I just don't have time to weep, after all. 

I've got kids to take care of, educate, and feed. I've got a home to tend to and keep, and I have a husband to serve and edify. I just don't have time for weeping.

Sometimes, okay, most times, I find myself holding back my tears.
"Not now," I say. "Now just isn't the time for tears."
I wait until things have built up in me to the point of a breach and then it all comes flooding out, rushing over anyone within a twelve mile radius.

Then, when I come to God, not only must I bring to Him my despair, but now also my sins of lashing out with my emotions, which brings more despair and grief upon me, along with the guilt.

No, I don't have time to weep, but I also don't have time to make up for the scars left by my emotional actions.

Our tears, dear sisters in Christ, are precious to the Lord.
Even my brothers in Christ, your tears are precious to Him too!

We have to make sure that they are righteous though. Don't waste something as precious to the Lord as our tears on something as foolish as selfishness or envy.

Not only are our tears precious to the Lord, but they are powerful when coupled with humble prayer! Look at the Lord's response to king Hezekiah's tears in the Book of Isaiah:

"In those days was Hezekiah sick unto death. And Isaiah the prophet the son of Amoz came unto him, and said unto him, Thus saith the LORD, Set thine house in order : for thou shalt die , and not live. Then Hezekiah turned his face toward the wall, and prayed unto the LORD, And said, Remember now, O LORD, I beseech thee, how I have walked before thee in truth and with a perfect heart, and have done that which is good in thy sight. And Hezekiah wept sore. Then came the word of the LORD to Isaiah, saying, Go, and say to Hezekiah, Thus saith the LORD, the God of David thy father, I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears: behold, I will add unto thy days fifteen years."
Isaiah 38:1-5

Tears that changed his life, Hezekiah cried. The prayer of his life, he prayed, and the Lord granted him a gracious fifteen years instead of taking his life as the prophet had warned him of.

How powerful were those tears.

How much potential do our tears hold for the glory of the Lord?

What if you had the power to change a life with your tears and with prayer, but you held back out of pride?

What if you had the power to change things... but you squandered that opportunity in vain and fleeting pursuits?

Make time to weep, make time for prayer, for they are both precious tools given for the glory of God's Kingdom and His Son, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

All for His glory alone.

Reflection vs Introspection

Parenting by reflection. 

That's what I have come to realize that I have been doing for the past seven years. I look into the mirror that the world has provided me; that dingy, filthy mirror of degraded youth and worthlessness, and I see myself as I was in high school.

Small

Inadequate

Powerless

Too young to know much about anything

Frustrated

Emotionally turbulent 

Essentially, immature

I see myself as unequipped and unprepared to do the tasks set before me. I find myself, lately, wondering why that is....

For too long society has told America's youth that they are suppose to be "kids" for too long. 

Do not work until you have to, don't even help out around the house unless you get paid. When you do have to get a job, do the bare minimum and no more, especially not without demanding a pay raise. If you lose your job, no big deal, just get unemployment. Don't settle for minimum wage, and for heaven's sake, don't put yourself so low as to get a labor job like picking crops or working in the slaughtering business! Be lazy, well into your twenties, and it's okay. It's all part of growing up, right? Go do stupid things, then call them mistakes and run away from the consequences. Get married and willingly have children, "Oh my goodness what, are you stupid?? It will never last!" Yet, sleep around and have a child out of wedlock, "Oh, it's okay, you messed up, happens to everyone. Let us help you raise the child while you get your life situated." And definitely don't claim a religion!

"Growing up" is not expected to happen until mid to late twenties in America, and that is becoming the social norm. There is no work ethic, and no respect of younger people, even the younger people who try to do things the right way, because of this new societal norm. 

And we wonder why we have so many immigrants taking the lower paying and less desirable jobs? They have not been conditioned to think so highly of themselves as to overlook a paying job. They would (most) would rather work for a little money than sit around doing nothing for even slightly more money.

ADOLESCENCE IS A MYTH that our country is biting hook, line, and sinker.

Not only does this cause our work ethic and moral to decline, but it causes crime and "activism" (pride, selfishness) to rise, and it increases the demand for government assistance via other people's tax dollars. It has become acceptable to demand that other people (govt assistance) pay for our wants/desires/"needs" whereas even fifty years ago, it would have been seen as utterly disgraceful.

What is the impact of this on the youth who are trying so desperately to rise above this stigma?

• We are grouped in with the "norm" even when we do not conform to that norm. 
• People judge us based solely on our youth without getting to know our person or our ethics. Job applications are even declined or overlooked simply because of the age of the applicant.
• Any effort to put forth a good image is shot down as being a "smart aleck" and we are written off as not knowing anything simply because of our age. "Oh no she didn't, that 26 year old mother of six did NOT just give that 30 year old first time mom advice!! Who does she think she is???"
• Hospitals think that you need more counseling or instruction, as a young parent. 
• People feel sorry for you. That is probably the most impacting, because rather than build us up in our efforts, people just feel sorry for us and send their condolences at how hard our life must be (in their eyes) because they have lost sight of what "growing up" should be like. 

 Yes, the curse of the social stigma of age, of youth. 

What does all of this have to do with parenting?

Well, for me, it is two-fold. 

First, I begin to see myself as they portray to me I am at a young age. Then it grows with me as I do, and I start to believe it, even as young as 13, that I don't know anything, and that I have no abilities in the "grown-up" areas of "expertise. I start to believe the lies of society. My mirror becomes clouded and dirty with the filth and opinions of this world. 

Second, I carry that clouded and misguided image of myself to parenting. People tell me that I am too young to be a mom, much less a mom to six children under seven. People tell me that I don't know what I am doing. People tell me that I'll never last as a low-(but making it work without government assistance!!)income stay at home, homeschooling mom of six, and that I will have a mental breakdown. The government tells me that I don't know how to raise my children, and that I can't possibly afford to raise them on one income without their help. 

I start to believe it. I have been conditioned to believe it. I am a product of society after all, thanks mostly to the years in government schools with a lack of parental guidance in certain essential areas. Maybe I am too young. Maybe I am clueless. Maybe we won't be able to make it on one income. Maybe (on a bad day) I will have a mental breakdown. What was I thinking??

What was I thinking?

I think that perhaps in many many young people (14-25) the self-assurant and confident-in-their-own-abilities part starts to come out, but it is too quickly squashed by society and the people around them who also subscribe to the societal norms of our generation. I think that many young people feel this way all too often, they become aware that they DO know some things, and they ARE adept at other things, and that they CAN make things work, but are shut down and then start to believe that maybe they were wrong. Adolescence is a time for mistakes after all, right?

We need to realize that this societal norm is WRONG!

...

Yes, I said wrong.

We need to change this norm. 

We need to turn the tide in a culture that would go so far to prevent children from having responsibility that they would enact laws to prevent children under 16-18 from even stocking or picking produce on their own family farms! 

But, until then, the youth of America needs to take a stand, and stand in the Lord. 

God did not create adolescence, it is an invention of self-serving man. God created us to work, and to be enabled to do anything He calls us to do.

Respect your parents, honor their rules and their home, no doubt, but rest in the assurance that you are able to think for yourself.

As for me..... I need to do that as well. 

I need to wipe that mirror off and scrub it down with some newspaper and vinegar. I need to see myself as able, equipped, and called. I need to start consistently viewing myself through the Lord's eyes and not the rose colored shades of society. I need to stop biting the bait of selfishness and self-indulgence. I'm not entitled to anything other than to be left alone. The government and the past generations owe me squat. I need to work for what I have, and I AM able to do so. 

I need to stop seeing myself as an inadequate child, because that is simply a lie. 

If there is one thing I have learned, it is that a mirror does not show the inside. A mirror cannot show your inner beauty, your inner strength, or your wisdom or knowledge, no matter how clean.

I need to rest in what the mirror can't see, rather than what is showcases, for it is not I, but Christ, and I am well equipped in Him.

Now the God of peace, that brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, Make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is wellpleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
Hebrews 13:20-21