Chapter 2 Your Child’s Development: Shaping Influences

Chapter 2  Your Child’s Development: Shaping Influences

My 11-year-old son was raising pigs and he was frustrated. The pigs overturned their water containers with their snouts, making it impossible to keep fresh water before them. We decided to make a concrete watering trough that would be too heavy to upset. We built a form of wood and began pouring concrete into the form. As we worked, I began telling my boys how their young lives were like this project. The structures of our home were like the form. Their lives were the poured concrete. One day when the form was removed, they would be strong and useful. The disciplines of childhood would harden into concrete, adult lives. I waxed eloquent. They listened politely and appropriately. When I paused for a breath, they ran off to play, clearly unimpressed with the likeness between their young lives and swine troughs. The boys were not ready that day for such heady thinking. I couldn’t blame them. It is no easy matter to think through the influences that shape your children’s lives. They are being shaped and molded by life’s circumstances. All the aspects of family living have a profound impact on the persons your children become.

Shaping Influences 

In this chapter, I will present a chart to help you understand the shaping influences of childhood. While the term “shaping influences” may be a new one, what it signifies is as old as humanity. Shaping influences are those events and circumstances in a child’s developmental years that prove to be catalysts for making him the person he is. But the shaping is not automatic; the ways he responds to these events and circumstances determine the effect they have upon him. There is clear biblical warrant for acknowledging the lifelong implications of early childhood experience. The major passages dealing with family (Deuteronomy 6, Ephesians 6, and Colossians 3) presuppose these implications.

The Scriptures demand your attention to shaping influences. The person your child becomes is a product of two things. The first is his life experience. The second is how he interacts with that experience.

Structure of Family Life 

Is the family a traditional nuclear family? How many parents is the child exposed to? Is it a family of two generations or three? Are both parents alive and functioning in the home? How are the parenting roles structured? Are there other children or is family life organized around only one child? What is the birth order of the children? What are the relationships between the children? How close or distant are they in terms of age, ability, interest or personality? How does the child’s personality blend with the other members of the family?

Sally and her husband came for counseling. They were newly married and facing difficult adjustments. One of the hardest hurdles for Sally to surmount was that her husband did not organize his life around her. She’d been an only child. While her parents didn’t spoil her by lavishing things on her, they did make her wants and needs a priority. She now felt unloved because her husband did not structure life around her wishes. Her family life as a child had profoundly shaped her needs and her expectations of her husband.

Family Values 

 What is important to the parents? What is worth a fuss and what passes without notice? Are people more important than things? Do parents get more stressed over a hole in the school pants or a fight between schoolmates? What philosophies and ideas has the child heard? Are children to be seen and not heard in this home? What are the spoken and unspoken rules of family life? Where does God fit into family life? Is life organized around knowing and loving God or is the family in a different orbit than that?

“See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ” (Colossians 2:8). The question you must ask is this: Are the values of your home based on human tradition and the basic principles of this world or on Christ? I recently asked a young lad of ten what would get him into the most trouble, breaking a valuable vase or disobeying his parents’ clear directive. Without a moment of hesitation, he said it would be far worse to break a cherished vase. This lad has learned the values of the home. He perceives an unspoken value that says prized vases are of greater concern to his parents than disobedient boys. These values are based on hollow and deceptive philosophies.

There are other aspects of family values. What are the boundaries within the family? Where are the secrets kept and when are they told? Are relationships with neighbors instinctively open or closed? How high are the walls around the family? Where can those walls be penetrated?

Some families would never tell their relatives their problems but would freely disclose everything to a neighbor. Others would call a brother for help, but never a neighbor who is nearby (unlike the counsel in Proverbs 27:10). Some children grow up never knowing how much money Dad earns, while others know the checkbook balance on any given day. Some parents keep secrets from their children. Some children share secrets but not with their parents. Sometimes Mother and the children have secrets from Dad. Sometimes Dad and the children have secrets from Mom. Every family has established family boundaries. They may not be spoken or thought through, but they exist. Family Roles Within the family structure there are roles that each family member plays. Some fathers are involved in every aspect of family life. Others are busy and distanced from family activities. Subtle things like who pays the bills or who makes family appointments say much about family roles. Children have roles within the family, too. I know one home in which the children are required to put their father’s socks and shoes on him because he is obese and finds it uncomfortable. By the cruel and harsh way he requires this service, he makes powerful shaping statements about their place in family life.

Family Conflict Resolution 

Anyone who does marriage counseling can testify to the power of family influence in the resolution of problems. Does the family know how to talk about its problems? Do family members resolve things or do they simply walk away? Are problems solved by biblical principle or by power? Do the members of the family use non-verbal signals, like a dozen roses, to resolve conflicts?

Proverbs 12:15–16 says: “The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice. A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.” A child is trained to be a fool or a prudent, wise man by the shaping influences of the home. Sammy would get mad and run from the kindergarten class whenever he did not like what was going on. The teacher called his parents in for a conference. Sammy’s dad got frustrated with the conference and abruptly left the room. The teacher gained a better understanding of why Sammy behaved this way.

Family Response to Failure 

A related shaping issue is how the parents deal with their children’s failures. Childhood is filled with awkward attempts and failed efforts. Immature children learning to master the skills of living in a sophisticated world inevitably make mistakes.  The important issue for our purposes is how those failures are treated. Are these children made to feel foolish? Are they mocked for their failures? Does the family find amusement at the expense of family members? Some parents show a marvelous ability to see failed attempts as praiseworthy efforts. They always encourage. They are adept at neutralizing the effects of a fiasco. Whether the child has known credible commendation or carping criticism or the mix of those things will be a powerful shaping influence in his life. Family History Another issue is each family’s own history. Family members are born and others die. There are marriages and divorces. Families experience social stability or instability. There is enough money or not enough. Some enjoy good health while others must structure their lives around sickness or disease. Some have deep roots in the neighborhood, while others are uprooted continually.

 I recently spent time helping a woman sort through the events of her childhood. Our conversation went like this:

Q:      How many times did you move during childhood?
A:      A lot of times.

Q:      Five or ten?
A:      Oh, no, more than that!

Q:       Not more than twenty? [Here she stopped for a few minutes thinking and calculating.]
A:      Many more than twenty.

She later told me that she and her sister had counted forty-six moves before age eighteen. To be sure, that family history profoundly shaped this woman’s values and perspectives. This brief list is only suggestive of circumstances that have impact on our lives. The effect of these things on us is undeniable.

Mistakes in Understanding Shaping Influences 

Two mistakes are made in interacting with the shaping influences of life. The first is seeing shaping influences deterministically. It is the error of assuming that the child is a helpless victim of the circumstances in which he was raised. The second mistake is denial. It is the mistake of saying the child is unaffected by his early childhood experience. Passages such as Proverbs 29:21 illustrate the importance of childhood experience. Here we see that the servant pampered from youth is affected in a manner that brings grief in the end. Neither denial nor determinism is correct. You need to understand these shaping influences biblically. Such understanding will aid you in your task as parents. You make a grave mistake if you conclude that childrearing is nothing more than providing the best possible shaping influences for your children. Many Christian parents adopt this “Christian determinism.” They figure that if they can protect and shelter him well enough, if they can always be positive with him, if they can send him to Christian schools or if they can home school, if they can provide the best possible childhood experience, then their child will turn out okay. These parents are sure that a proper environment will produce a proper child. They respond almost as if the child were inert. Such a posture is simply determinism dressed in Christian clothes.

I have a friend who is a potter. He told me that he can only create the type of pot the clay he is working with will allow him to create. The clay is not merely passive in his hands. The clay responds to him. Some clay is elastic and supple. Some clay is crumbly and hard to shape. His observation provides a good analogy: You must be concerned with providing the most stable shaping influences, but you may never suppose that you are merely molding passive clay. The clay responds to shaping; it either accepts or rejects molding. Children are never passive receivers of shaping. Rather, they are active responders. Your son or daughter responds according to the Godward focus of his or her life. If your child knows and loves God, if your child has embraced the fact that knowing God can enable him to know peace in any circumstance, then he will respond constructively to your shaping efforts.

If your child does not know and love God, but tries to satisfy his soul’s thirst by drinking from a “cistern that cannot hold water….” (Jeremiah 2:13), your child may rebel against your best efforts. You must do all that God has called you to do but the outcome is more complex than whether you have done the right things in the right way. Your children are responsible for the way they respond to your parenting. Determinism makes parents conclude that good shaping influences will automatically produce good children. This often bears bitter fruit later in life. Parents who have an unruly and troublesome teenager or young adult conclude that the problem is the shaping influences they provided. They think if they had made a little better home, things would have turned out okay. They forget that the child is never determined solely by the shaping influences of life. Remember that Proverbs 4:23 instructs you that the heart is the fountain from which life flows. Your child’s heart determines how he responds to your parenting. Mr. and Mrs. Everett had a rebellious 15-year-old son. They could see that they had made many mistakes in childrearing. Their mistakes, however, blinded them to his needs. When they saw their son, they saw their failures. As a result, they never saw him as a boy who was choosing to sin. They failed to see that he was choosing not to believe and obey God. They had not been perfect parents, it was true. Their son, however, had not been a good son. That part was true too. Their view failed to consider the fact that human beings are creatures who are directed by the orientation of their hearts. The child is not inert during childhood. Your children interact with life.

This leads us to our next chapter.

Application Questions for Chapter 2

1.      What have been some of the prominent shaping influences of your child’s life?
2.      What is the structure of your family? How has that affected your son or daughter?
3.      What would your children identify as the values of your family? What are the things that matter most to you?
4.      Where are the secrets in your home? Do you share too much and thus burden your children with problems too big for them? Do you share too little and thus insulate them from life and dependence on God?
5.      Who is the boss in your home? Is there a centralized authority, or does your family make decisions by committee?
6.      What are the patterns for conflict resolution? How have these patterns affected each of your children? Is change warranted? If so, what change?
7.      What constitutes success or failure in your home?
8.      What events have been pivotal in your family history? How have these events affected you? How have they affected your children?
9.      Do you tend to be a determinist in the way you look at childrearing? Are you able to see that your children are active responders to the shaping influences in their lives? How do you see them responding?

Tripp, Tedd (2011-07-22). Shepherding a Child's Heart (pp. 9-18). Shepherd Press. Kindle Edition.

Overcoming Temptations

The Temptation of Christ

Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.

~James 1:12

Overcoming temptation is the goal, not the elimination of it. What good would it do me to eliminate temptation and not grow from it? If I never learn to manage my own desires in one small area, how will I learn to manage my own desires on bigger things? Temptation should make us stronger as we resist it. The Bible is clear, we will face temptation, but God's blessing is on the man who endures it, not particularly the man who runs away from it. Perhaps in the face of temptation is when the strength of Christ is enabled to shine through us. Perhaps temptation allows us to become more dependent, more eager, and more desperate for God, who will bring us through it.

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.

~Psalm 28:7

Mommy Training: Part 4 - His Kindness Leads us to Repentance

Last night I stumbled upon THIS LIST of ten things to remember when your child is disobedient. Many of them were convicting, some were reassuring, but one of them hit me right in the gut.

His [the Lord's] kindness leads us to repentance.

I have come to realize that there is something within all of us that instantly resists an angry or irritated person. Think of if a boss or supervisor came up to us and started yelling at us about something we did, or even if our husbands came up to us and started getting all frustrated. We tend to get defensive, build up walls, and get angry right back, thereby learning nothing and taking nothing to heart.

However, when someone approaches us in true love, humility, and compassion, we tend to listen more. At least for me I can say that the gentle and compassionate correction turns my heart more than the angry irritated correction. Do you see why this hit me so hard?

Which leads me to Galatians chapter 5:

Some fruits that I need to cultivate include longsuffering, gentleness, meekness, and temperance, especially toward my children.


In contrast, wrath is defined as a work of the flesh, and a sin. I am sinning each time I give way to wrath or anger. I need forgiveness. I must seek repentance, and how the Lord can be so kind, forgiving, and accepting of me even in my sin, I will never know.

His kindness leads me to true repentance. His salvation which holds only one condition, to believe, humbles me in heart and brings me to tears. How can the Creator of the world, and the maker of everything, be so kind to me when I constantly disappoint Him, even after He died as the price for my filthy sin?
 



Thank God for Grace and Mercy Undeserved.

Mommy Training: Part 3 - Distractions

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Distractions. There are enough of them in a single day to last anyone a lifetime. With a mission as important as motherhood and nation building, adding to them unnecessarily would certainly be looked upon as an unwise decision. Today, I culled through myself, my emotions, and the roots of many of my frustrations. I found that most of my frustrations come from not being able to be everything to everyone. I'm just one person with twenty four hours in each day just like everyone else. I can only be so much, I can only do so much, so I need to make it count. Between running my business and being the bookkeeper and planner for my husband's business, homeschooling, keeping home, and raising six children, my plate is full to overflowing. With blessings, of course, but overflowing nonetheless. 

I have come to realize that sometimes Satan can take situations and use them to his advantage. 

Today, I deactivated my Facebook account. At least temporarily. For me, being the emotional type that I am, Facebook  can be a seed bed of bitterness and anger. It is a reminder of friendships lost that really did mean a lot to me, a reminder of brutal betrayal and slander that continues to this day, a full year later, and having been presented with a window into the lives of others, it brings upon me a burden that I am not capable of bearing at the present time. I have noticed over the past few weeks that I have become more bitter and more critical as painful things surface, and even as I bear witness to the hardships that others are being made to endure when I am unable to help as I wish I could. My problem is not what God has blessed me with, but rather what I have added onto those blessings that have caused life to become a heavy burden. I find myself surviving each day rather than thriving, and that is not a place where I want to spend the rest of my life. So, for now, until I can get to a place where I have more control over my emotions and other reactions, I am stepping back. I suffer from a social anxiety anyway, so I think it is for the best.


I will still be running Rose Cottage Creations, and our Teasley Family Farms website will still be running. I will still be taking orders and filling them. My friends know how to contact me if they desire. I'm sorry if, by doing this, I end up letting someone down, but please understand that I have to prioritize, and when I can't do it all, my top priorities must reign without a second thought. I have a lot of training to go before I am ready to take on more. 

So, as a shaping influence in my children's life, I have chosen to eliminate distractions so that I can better serve my family. 

Mommy Training: Part 2 - Lead By Example

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It's one of those things, one of those common sense concepts, that is easier said than done. 

Lead by example. Treat others how you would want them to treat you. Practice what you preach. I have been surrounded by this concept all of my life, and have never given it hardly a passing thought. Of course I know it to be true, but knowing something is right is not as difficult as putting it into practice.

Chapter 2 of Shepherding a Child's Heart is my focus right now. The title of this chapter is Your Child's Development: Shaping Influences. Below is an excerpt that really spoke to my heart.

"The person your child becomes is a product of two things. The first is his life experience. The second is how he interacts with that experience. The first chart deals with the shaping influences of life. In the next chapter, I will introduce a chart addressing the child’s response to those shaping influences. He is not merely acted upon by the circumstances of life. He reacts. He responds according to the Godward orientation of his heart."

~Tripp, Tedd (2011-07-22). Shepherding a Child's Heart (p. 10). Shepherd Press. Kindle Edition. 

A child is shaped by two things, his experiences and how he responds to those experiences. How he responds to experiences is predominantly influenced, especially in the early years, by those whom he is around the most and who he esteems the most. For us as a larger-than-ordinary homeschooling family, the shaping influences in my children's' lives are each other, myself, and my husband. How we respond to situations shapes how they will respond to situations.

I have no right to discipline my child for yelling when I yell rather than exhibit self-control. I have no right to discipline my child for stomping off and slamming a door when I could also use some work in managing my outward displays of frustration. I see in my children myself, and my husband. Both our best, and our worst, and everything in between. Being a predominant shaping influence in my child's life, I need to constantly display the attitude, actions, and temperament that is good, holy, right, and acceptable. Then and only then will they begin to understand what I am trying to teach them.

This is why I have called my journey "Mommy Training." It has to start with me, and my heart condition. I have no right to expect from my children what I cannot even consistently exhibit myself.

Pray for me, I've got a long road ahead. Praise the LORD for grace. Amen.

Overcoming Mountains on Day One

I feel like I just fought an uphill battle and won, even though Amy is still in her room screaming. I told her 30 minutes ago that she had a set amount of time to clean her room so that I can vacuum, came back in after that time and saw that she had been playing rather than cleaning up. Exhausted of disciplinary ideas, I told her that since she chose to not listen to me, since I have asked her to clean her room three times already today and she has deliberately chosen to disobey me, thereby disobeying God, she will not be getting dessert tonight and I will be getting rid of all the toys that are still on the floor. Of course, this was followed by screaming of "Mommy!! Mommy!! I WILL CLEAN UP, I JUST WANT A TREAT AFTER DINNER!!" Echoed again and again. I told her that she can clean up her toys and keep them, but she will not be getting any dessert because she chose not to obey me the first time I asked (or second or third), and maybe this will remind her next time that she needs to obey the first time asked. She threw a complete tantrum screaming at me saying "I JUST WONT STOP CRYING UNTIL YOU GIVE ME DESSERT AFTER DINNER!!!" To which I calmly replied "I'm sorry, then you will just have to keep on crying." Then I shut her door (because I will not give audience to her ugliness of behavior) and walked away. I did not lose my temper, I did not yell, and I did not spank. I feel like I overcame a major obstacle.

It is possible! Look out world! A new, more gentle and calm momma is coming to town! :-)

Chapter 1 Getting to the Heart of Behavior

Chapter 1
Getting to the Heart of Behavior

The Scripture teaches that the heart is the control center for life. A person’s life is a reflection of his heart. Proverbs 4:23 states it like this: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the well-spring of life.” The word picture here is graphic. The heart is a well from which all the issues of life gush forth. This theme is restated elsewhere in the Bible. The behavior a person exhibits is an expression of the overflow of the heart.  You could picture it like this. The heart determines behavior. What you say and do expresses the orientation of your heart. Mark 7:21 states: “ … from within, out of men’s hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly.” These evils in action and speech come from within—from the heart. What your children say and do is a reflection of what is in their hearts.

Luke 6:45 corroborates this point: The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. These passages are instructive for the task of childrearing. They teach that behavior is not the basic issue. The basic issue is always what is going on in the heart. Remember, the heart is the control center of life. Parents often get sidetracked with behavior. If your goal in discipline is changed behavior, it is easy to understand why this happens. The thing that alerts you to your child’s need for correction is his behavior. Behavior irritates and thus calls attention to itself. Behavior becomes your focus. You think you have corrected when you have changed unacceptable behavior to behavior that you sanction and appreciate.

“What is the problem?” you ask. The problem is this: Your child’s needs are far more profound than his aberrant behavior. Remember, his behavior does not just spring forth uncaused. His behavior—the things he says and does—reflects his heart. If you are to really help him, you must be concerned with the attitudes of heart that drive his behavior. A change in behavior that does not stem from a change in heart is not commendable; it is condemnable. Is it not the hypocrisy that Jesus condemned in the Pharisees? In Matthew 15, Jesus denounces the Pharisees who have honored him with their lips while their hearts were far from him. Jesus censures them as people who wash the outside of the cup while the inside is still unclean. Yet this is what we often do in childrearing. We demand changed behavior and never address the heart that drives the behavior.

What must you do in correction and discipline? You must require proper behavior. God’s law demands that. You cannot, however, be satisfied to leave the matter there. You must help your child ask the questions that will expose that attitude of the heart that has resulted in wrong behavior. How did his heart stray to produce this behavior? In what characteristic ways has his inability or refusal to know, trust, and obey God resulted in actions and speech that are wrong?

Let’s take a familiar example from any home where there are two or more children. The children are playing and a fight breaks out over a particular toy. The classic response is “Who had it first?” This response misses heart issues. “Who had it first?” is an issue of justice. Justice operates in the favor of the child who was the quicker draw in getting the toy. If we look at this situation in terms of the heart, the issues change.

Now you have two offenders. Both children are displaying a hardness of heart toward the other. Both are being selfish. Both children are saying, “I don’t care about you or your happiness. I am only concerned about myself. I want this toy. My happiness depends on possessing it. I will have it and be happy regardless of what that means to you.” In terms of issues of the heart, you have two sinning children. Two children are preferring themselves before the other. Two children are breaking God’s law. Sure, the circumstances are different. One is taking the toy that the other has. The other is keeping the advantage. The circumstances are different, but the heart issue is the same—“I want my happiness, even at your expense.”

You see, then, how heart attitudes direct behavior. This is always true. All behavior is linked to attitudes of the heart. Therefore, discipline must address attitudes of the heart. This understanding does marvelous things for discipline. It makes the heart the issue, not just the behavior. It focuses correction on deeper things than changed behavior. The profoundest issue is what happens in the heart. Your concern is to unmask your child’s sin, helping him to understand how it reflects a heart that has strayed. That leads to the cross of Christ. It underscores the need for a Savior. It provides opportunities to show the glories of God who sent his Son to change hearts and free people enslaved to sin.

This emphasis is the fundamental tenet of this book: The heart is the well-spring of life. Therefore, parenting is concerned with shepherding the heart. You must learn to work from the behavior you see, back to the heart, exposing heart issues for your children. In short, you must learn to engage them, not just reprove them. Help them see the ways that they are trying to slake their souls’ thirst with that which cannot satisfy. You must help your kids gain a clear focus on the cross of Christ.

This proposition will inform everything you do as parents. It will dictate your goals. It will inform your methods. It will shape your model of how children develop.

This book will address all the facets of childrearing. We will look at a biblical view of the parenting task. We will examine child development. We will focus on parenting goals. We will think through training methods. In all these topics the core issue will be shepherding the heart.

I am not offering simple, clever methodology here. I am not promoting a new three-step plan for trouble-free children. I am not presenting a simple way to meet their needs so you can get on with your life. I am, however, willing to explore with you fresh ways of pursuing the training task God has given you. I offer these things as one who is not new to the task, but who hasn’t grown cynical about parenting. I am more excited about this job than ever. I am full of hope and certain that God can enable us to raise from our homes a holy seed for the church.

I have seen families get hold of the principles in this book. I have seen parents shepherding happy, productive children who are alert to themselves and life. I visited such a home recently. The family was alive and vibrant. Teenage children were at home, because home was an exciting place to be. Father and Mother were held in high esteem and sought out for advice. The Bible and biblical truth blew through every conversation—not with stifling heat, but like a refreshing, life-giving breeze. In this home, five generations have kept the faith and a sixth is learning that God is the fountain of life in whose light we see light.

These are things worth striving for. This is a vision worthy of sacrifice.

If you are to sort through the welter of confusion about childrearing, you must go to the Scriptures for answers. I am committed to the fact that the Scriptures are robust enough to provide us with all the categories and concepts we need for this task. For too long the church has tried to integrate biblical and nonbiblical thought forms to answer the questions of parenting. The resulting synthesis has produced bitter fruit. We need to understand our task biblically.

You need to understand your child in relationship to the two broad sets of issues that affect him:
1)      The child and his relationship to the shaping influences of life.
2)      The child and his relationship to God. In the next two chapters we will discuss these two arenas of child development.

Questions for Chapter 1

1.      Explain the importance of dealing with the heart in discipline and correction of children.
2.      Describe the centrality of the heart in directing behavior.
3.      Why is it so easy to get sidetracked with behavior when issues of the heart are clearly so much more important? 4.      What is wrong with a change in behavior without a change in the heart?
5.      If the point of discipline is to direct the heart, how does that change the approach to discipline and correction?

Tripp, Tedd (2011-07-22). Shepherding a Child's Heart (Ch1). Shepherd Press.

Mommy Training: Part 1

Today is day one of my Mommy Training Journey as explained HERE.

This morning I had a talk with Amy, my oldest. I asked her how she would feel if she was trying to tell me something that was really important to her and I didn't listen to her. She said it would make her sad and mad. I asked her then, how does she think that I feel when she chooses not to listen to me when I tell her something that is important to me, like to obey me, and she said that it would make me mad and sad. I agreed. We talked about how we all need to start listening to each other and being nice to each other, including mommy. I said I was sorry for getting so mad so much, and I said that I would do better. I explained to her that I didn't have a mommy growing up, because my mommy died when I was Sarah's age. I didn't have a mommy to teach me how to be a mommy, so just like she is learning how to be a big girl, I am learning how to be a mommy. I gave her permission to come up to me when I am getting mad and to tell me "Mommy, you are not being nice." I also told her that I would do the same for her if she started being mad. I told her that we could help each other. I explained to her that Joanna and Sarah look up to her and watch her and do everything that she does because she is their big sister. We talked about how, when Amy does bad things or is disobedient, Joanna and Sarah think that it is what they are suppose to do too, then they get in trouble too. I told her that she needs to be good so that Joanna and Sarah can learn to be good too, because she is a bigger influence on them than I am. She agreed, we hugged, and the morning has been going pretty well. We are going to start reviewing John 14:15 in our devotions, and studying how we prove to Jesus that we love Him by keeping His New Testament commandments (HERE as well), and how they can utilize this concept when obeying mommy and daddy, because learning to obey mommy and daddy is preparation and training for learning to obey God once called by the Spirit unto salvation. After bedtime tonight I will be reading chapters one and two from Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp: Getting to the Heart of Behavior, and Your Child's Development: Shaping Influences. As always, this is open for discussion if anyone wants to take this journey with me.

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Be blessed.

Mommy Training: Introduction

We have been having some very bad obedience issues in my house as of late, and I have come to the conclusion that it is not a child-discipline issue, but rather a mommy-discipline issue. Therefore, I am starting an experiment of sorts, to attempt to be trained to be the right kind of mommy. To have the right responses and exhibit the right behavior, behavior that I would want my kids to exhibit back to me. This is Mommy Training 101 for me, a journal of my journey over this next week or so, and perhaps maybe a source of ideas or encouragement to any other mom of many out there. I will be learning how to Shepherd My Child's Heart instead of just herding it. I will be using Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp in this journey, reviewing two chapters a day on my Kindle app for PC, if anyone would like to join me.