"In every circumstance in life, prayer is the most natural outpouring of the soul, the unhindered turning to God for communion and direction. Whether in sorrow or in joy, in defeat or in victory, in weakness or in health, in calamity or in success, the heart leaps to meet with God, ...just as the child runs to his mother's arms, ever sure that her sympathy will meet every need." ~E.M. Bounds
"Wisdom hath builded her house, she hath hewn out her seven pillars:
She hath killed her beasts; she hath mingled her wine; she hath also furnished her table.
She hath sent forth her maidens: she crieth upon the highest places of the city,
Whoso is simple, let him turn in hither: as for him that wanteth understanding, she saith to him,
Come, eat of my bread, and drink of the wine which I have mingled.
Forsake the foolish, and live; and go in the way of understanding... ...A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing.
For she sitteth at the door of her house, on a seat in the high places of the city,
To call passengers who go right on their ways:
Whoso is simple, let him turn in hither: and as for him that wanteth understanding, she saith to him,
Stolen waters are sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.
But he knoweth not that the dead are there; and that her guests are in the depths of hell."
Proverbs 9:1-6, 13-18
Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. Proverbs 14:1
As women after God's own heart, it is natural that we would seek after becoming a woman of wisdom. We scour Proverbs and we meditate on the Psalms of the Lord. We seek and we seek and we seek until it seems like we've overturned every stone and still there is an ocean to go.
What if, what if there was a simple answer to the age old question that all good Christian women ask themselves at one point or another: How do I become a woman of wisdom?
We see in the above verses a comparison between wisdom and foolishness; the wise woman and the foolish woman.
Wisdom builds her house.
Wisdom works in her home, she keeps her home (Titus 2:5).
She kills her beast for the meal, she has mingled her wine to drink, and she has furnished her table.
A wise woman builds her home.
On the other hand is the foolish woman, that clamorous woman.
She sits in her house, no mention of work. She has no fruit to show (Proverbs 31:31).
No table to offer, and no slaughtered beast or wine has she, but stolen waters only. The only thing she has to offer isn't even hers to offer!
The common thread between the two women is that they both call out to the simple, imploring them to come in and dine.
The wise woman calls out in her wisdom, and the foolish woman calls out in her simplicity, acting as if wise.
The wise woman builds her home, the foolish woman sits in her home and does nothing, thereby tearing it down with her own hands.
What if it is that simple?
Sisters, if we desire to be wise, let us seek after wisdom, and we will find her. We will find her building her home, preparing the table, and speaking the law of kindness.
So shall we, by the grace of the Lord.
If we want to be wise, dear sister, we must build our homes.
All's Well on the Front.... or is it? Storm Clouds Looming on the Homefront
I was leading a double life.
Family, friends, strangers, they all had this crazy idea that my life was perfect.
Ready for a shocker? It wasn't. Not by a long shot.
What looked like perfect peace and happiness on the outside was simply an exterior masking of the internal turmoil bubbling behind closed doors. I was struggling. Struggling with finding my place, struggling with pleasing everyone, struggling with doing everything for everyone all the time, and I was taking it out on those around me.
No one listened to me, no one was aware of my plight. The more I yelled the worse it got. I yelled for the kids to be quiet, to be good, to behave, and it only made things louder. I yelled at them to listen to me, and they only tuned me out more. I cried and complained to my ever patient husband, and he couldn't offer me any solution. I pinned my problems on everyone around me.
Then one day, reality slapped me in the face like a wet fish.
It wasn't them, it was ME!
I wanted recognition. I wanted glory for my works. I wanted nice things and a peaceful home without having to nurture it to maturation. I wanted respect without having to earn it. I was desperately clinging to a quickly crumbling status quo and wondering why on earth wasn't it working??
"For whosoever exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted." ~Luke 14:11
My life is a living testimony to that. I was attempting to exalt myself, and the Lord sure did bring me down to my appropriate level. I am nothing. I don't deserve recognition. I serve a mighty God, who deserves ALL the recognition and praise, not me. Why would someone praise the waiter for the work of the chef?
So, I humbled myself. I took my place at the Master's feet, and I begun to work with my hands in a way that would bring glory to Christ, not myself. In that process, I have indeed been exalted, even undeservingly so. The Lord has given a peace that radiates from the inside out that the storms of life cannot sweep away.
****
Speaking of the storms of life....
I have been married to my husband for going on eight years now. We have been through some tough times.
We've been through physical (worldly) battles of finances, broken promises, and all the growing up that comes with age and babies. We've also been through innumerable spiritual battles that practically left our marriage in shambles. Personally, I've been through three very harsh rounds of PPD, I've battled with PTSD and other anxiety disorders, and everything that goes along with the territory. My childhood was a wreck, I grew up in an abusive and drug-filled home, and the only reason I excelled in school was because I would have much rather been there instead of home. By the age of twelve, I had tried to commit suicide at least three times, and was unsuccessful. I was a slave in my own home while my abusive step-mom slept and ate all day. My own father was abusive to my stepmother and overlooked everything that she did to me. I spent my childhood years crying out to God in agony asking Him, if He loved me, why did He take my mother from me? Why was He putting me through this torment? Why couldn't He make them put me in foster care, or at least kill me? Why was He ignoring me??
What does this have to do with anything?
To point out that God is good, REGARDLESS of circumstances!
When the Lord called me to Him, I was broken. I was a pit of despair that He had somehow, for some reason, seen fit to preserve for His purposes. I was hanging in the jaws of hell. I had one hand in the devil's mouth and another in the belly of the world. I was SO close to giving in, and SO close to giving up. Then God's mercy and grace rained down.
I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior in the summer of 2001 at Word of Life Bible Camp in Florida, thanks from the heart to an anonymous donation on my behalf from a saint at Cornerstone Baptist Church in Lawrenceville, GA to pay my way.
The Lord preserved me when I was lost, then found me and pulled me out of the pit of my own works. I was forever changed.
What does this have to do with anything? You may ask again....
Because, it's by the storms that I grew. If it had been all sunshine and roses growing up, I would not be who I am today. Romans 8:28 is my life-verse. I am living proof!
I look at my blessings now. I look at my precious children, I look at my wonderful husband, and everything else and I realize the cold hard truth: If God had granted my petitions when I was a child, I would not have what I have now. I would never have met my husband, and I wouldn't have my children. I might not have even accepted Christ.
I had to come to a place where I extended forgiveness to those whom I harbored so much bitterness and resentment against for so long. I had to forgive them for their trespasses against me before healing could begin.
It was a process, but it is nearing completion. It wasn't until after my stepmother died four years ago that I could finally forgive her. It wasn't until last year that I could finally forgive my dad and his side of the family for never telling me that I was adopted by him, that he wasn't my blood-father. I had to humble myself and see things from another perspective before real change in myself could start to take over.
You never know what storms are there to make you grow.
I had to learn the hard way to welcome the storms, because they are for your good when they are from God's hand, nothing can touch us in Him without His permission first, and He will never allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear.
This is one of my new favorite songs:
(turn off music player)
Sometimes the storms are only there to wash away the dirt and filth, so that a new bud can appear stronger than the one before.
This is my word to any readers that might happen by here:
Kill the roots of bitterness before they start to grow. They will affect your entire view of the Lord, and of the world. Even your blessings will seem tainted if you allow the bitterness to rule your heart and life. Kill them early, because this is one fruit that you want no part of, and once it flowers, it is very hard to abolish.
Storm clouds do not mean destruction, it's simply a fresh new beginning. Some leaves are turned by the gentle breeze, and others are turned by the fierce growls and electricity of the southern summer storms. Welcome both. In your most desperate hour of need, look to the Lord and know that He is holding you in His everlasting arms. He will never abandon you. He cares for you. He holds every tear. I must have cried an ocean in my youth, but to know now that He still holds each and everyone close, it strikes me in the heart. All those times I thought I was alone in my suffering, He was right there beside me, doubtless crying out with me as my High Priest as He did in the garden that day when He sweated blood on my account. To know that the Lord suffered along with me in my trials and distress, to know that His heart ached along with mine all those dark nights when I tried to end my walk on this earth because "Maybe then they will love me," He was right there, carrying me.
This world is not my home. Is it yours? The Lord is calling all to repentance and salvation. He is standing at the door and knocking.... will you answer His call?
No matter the mess you are in, the Lord can lift you out of it and give
you a new life, a new heart, and a home in Heaven with Him.
Thank you Lord, for preserving me, saving me, and blessing me beyond my wildest imagination. Help me to never lose sight of that. Your grace keeps me going, even when I feel like giving up.
****
Instead of fearing the storm clouds, I need to train my children to dance in the rain! For, no matter what storms God may allow to be sent our way, we can rest in the promise that:
"...all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."
~Romans 8:28
There were so many areas that needed my immediate attention that it was a bit overwhelming at first. I had never been taught how to manage a home, much less children, so I had to come up with a plan and just wing it. I was able to sort things into generalized categories of areas needing attention:
1 - The children
2 - The homefront
3 - My own heart
The first one is the simplest, so I will begin with that one.
First, I started to look at my children from a whole new perspective.
"Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.
It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep. Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate."
~Psalm 127
The fruit of my womb, my children, God gives as a reward. God sees His heritage in godly children, which are given as gifts! Of course I knew this Psalm well already, but it was like I was looking at it for the first time. Whether a woman has one child or 20+ children, the Truth remains consistent, they are all gifts from God, His heritage!
I had two precious gifts once, both from my husband. Both were pendants given to me on special occasions. I treasured them, and I loved them. I even took them off when I didn't want to risk losing them. Then, they were stolen, and I was sad. Out of all the items in our truck when it was stolen, almost our entire household, these two small items were what sprang forth in my mind as the greatest loss. They were precious to me. They had sentiment behind them, and even if they weren't the most expensive metal or the most precious jewels, they were precious to me because my husband had given them to me...
How much more should we treasure our children, then?
God's most precious gift to us apart from the gift of His only begotten Son, who died on the cross for our sins and rose again and ascended to Heaven to be our High Priest (Hebrews 4:14), is the gift of children. Oh, how much more should I treasure my children! What if God gave me a precious jewel, and I lost it? how horrible would I feel? My children are my jewels, and I do not want to lose them to this world!
My sweet children, how I love their smiles, their wit, and their silly laughter!
What if, what if in a fit of anger or frustration, I squelched one of these little lamps for Jesus?
These hearts that are so enthusiastic for God right now, what if I turned them away from Him by my actions?
What if they were to one day look at me and say, "If that is Christianity, then I want nothing to do with it!"
And, worse, what if I got to Heaven and stood before the Bema Seat of Christ and had to account for my actions? What if my Lord asked me why I had lost one or more of the precious gifts that He had entrusted to my care? I would have no excuses, not one....
My precious children, how many times had I offended you when I should have received you with joy?
"And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!"
~Matthew 18: 3-7
My sweet babies, how long had you been calling for me and my mind been elsewhere? How long had I been so focused on the outside that I had forgotten that it is the inside that makes the person, that immortal soul, and forgotten to tend it as well? Had I come to the place where it would be better for me to be have a millstone hung around my neck and drowned in the sea because of my hot-headedness and selfishness? I thank the Lord daily for grace, because I'd be lost without it.
Plan of attack, phase one: Tend to the hearts of my children as my Great Shepherd tends to mine, through His Word.
I must teach my children's hearts to plead the same as David did in Psalm 42:
"As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God."
I must teach them to desire God, and to do that, I must desire God, and desire to serve Him by the way that I raise up and treasure His heritage.
Sometimes when things appear to be at their most dismal, pitiful, and distraught state...
That's when you unexpectedly stumble across the most fragrant blooms of the season.
Sometimes, even when something looks to be dead and unable to produce any good.....
You find it a few weeks later, suffering itself to bloom...
Against all odds, amidst uncertainty, doubt, and even impossibility.....
Even among the thorns, the delicate rose blooms.
Even with the scrounging of the ants, the steadfast bud of the peony still opens...
Even in the midst of a life fraught with despair and pain, even ignorance or self inflicted, God can still do a work in me.
THAT is what I came to realize that day.
That no, I cannot do it all. There is NO WAY that I can raise these children and take care of this house. There is NO WAY I can do this, sacrifice SO much for little to no recognition or thanks. No way at all.
But Christ can.
"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."
Galatians 2:20
It is no longer I that live, but rather CHRIST in me. I am dead, but Christ lives in me.
I was lowly, but a worm on the earth. I was chief among sinners, until Jesus saved my soul and dwelt within me. I was born, but had not yet lived, until the day of my rebirth into the bosom of Christ. The Creator and Savior of the world dwells within me, and it is no longer ME that my heavenly Father sees, but rather Christ, His only begotten Son, in me. It's not MY works He sees, but rather the finished work of the Cross that covers me.
Grace.
Grace is what I came to realize that day.
The strength of Christ, rather than my own fallible, feeble, human "strength."
The faithfulness of God.
"Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;)"
Hebrews 10:23
God is faithful, and it is because of HIS faithfulness that I can hold fast to my faith.
Mercy saved me from a hell that I deserved, but it was Grace that seated me "in heavenly places in Christ Jesus:" (Ephesians 2:6)
And it is God's faithfulness that keeps me there.
Praise the LORD for that.
It's not me, but Christ.
It's not my works, but Christ's.
It's not my home, but Christ's.
It's not my hand, but Christ's.
And Christ is faithful.
"Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it."
1 Thessalonians 5:24
It's a promise by a faithful God.
HE will do it, not me.
As I begin to pick up the pieces, I am constantly reminded that I cannot fail, because Christ cannot fail, and it is HE that called me, and HE that worketh in me, eternally.
IN CHRIST is the new beginning, even when it seems to be the end.
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
John 14:27
